A new year, a new blog post. The last few months have been flying by. More boredom than anything else. I am still not speaking to my family. It doesn't seem to bother them much, I miss them. I don't know if I should say that though because, every time I say it I feel my resolve weaken. I have to stay strong, I refuse to let anyone treat me like crap anymore. My mother tries to call and then it is the same old story, she tells me how I need to be forgiving and I need to just get over everything. Well I forgive them for treating me like I don't matter, I forgive them for hurting me all the time. That doesn't mean I need to be around them anymore though.
On another subject, I have been texting Joe. Just a few times a week. We have been talking about the past, and what might have been. I think that is trouble, might have been's. I think what might my life had been like if I had married Joe instead of Jeremy. Joe's family would have accepted me, hands down, no questions asked, they would have welcomed me into their family. On the other hand there is Jeremy, and the way his family has and continues to treat me. They have never and will never accept me. Joe and I would have been happy. Jeremy and I are very happy. I guess all in all I would be in the same place, but would I still be happy? I don't know maybe I am rambling just a little.
Things with Jeremy are...strained a little. He doesn't even know I am here half the time. He is depressed because we are always broke. I don't mind being broke as long as we have each other. I just feel like he is moving farther and farther away from me. I keep trying to draw him closer but it isn't working. So instead of feeling this terrible loneliness, I keep it all inside and talk to Joe. I talked to Jeremy today about everything I am feeling or I tried to. It kind of went off course though. Then we had to leave and go to dinner. Now Jeremy acts like everything is fine. How can everything be fine? It doesn't feel fine. I feel kind of lost and I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to work things out when Jeremy doesn't know how to work things out in his own head. I just feel alone.
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Wow! Ok so what exactly is Jeremy saying when you spoke to him about how you feel. I can understand you, when I was in my relationship with the father of my kids is was hard because he was not working and I was the bread winner, even though it was not alot of bread coming in. But I do know that a man has got to feel like a man and if he cannot provide for his family then he will feel like less of a man. I have not quite figured out as a woman how to deal with that situation though. As far as you talking to Joe, that can be dangerous. I am not saying do not talk to him if you guys are friends, but if he is an ex boyfriend, talking to him about you and your husband's problems could bring on trouble. And I am confused is it your family that is mistreating you or your husband's? And I am always here if you need to talk to someone.
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