Hurt and Anger

    Yesterday, I was looking at some of Kristan's photos. She had posted a couple pics of the things Dan was sending for baby Sean. One of them was an Ewok and a little Chewwbacca. It just cut straight to my heart. I was the one who started his interest in Star Wars, Blair's too for that matter. Then to know that Dan is having his first child and I can't really be part of it. I know I can talk to Kristan but, it's not the same. I am not allowed to be a part of it. The anger and hurt have twisted my heart, it is squeezing it and my heart aches for what was. Dan and I were so close. Maybe, this whole time our closeness was all in my head. Maybe, I was just being used for a ride or whatever. Maybe he never wanted to be a part of my life.
     It is so hard to talk to Kristan, knowing that once the baby comes, I really will be excluded.