My Dreams....

My dream started like this... I was with Tony and his family and we were diving for big clams. We caught quite a few, but then we had trouble getting these buckets full of clams up on the dock. We eventually got them up. Then there was this long hallway that went past certain parts of my life. I would look to the right and people and places from my past were there. I go into a kitchen at the end of my hallway and there is a piece of mail for me. I open it and it is a journal. The outside was covered in this big pink crystal. It felt very heavy in my dream. There was also a strap that snapped and kept it closed. It was pretty think too with blank pages. It was from my Uncle Tim. I opened it and halfway through it my Uncle Tim had left me a letter. It went on and on about how I hadn't called him or talked to him in years and all of a sudden I wanted to be back in his life. He was very angry with me in his letter. Then I turn to go back down the hallway and I see Uncle Tim and he is sitting with Blair. They are talking like conspirators, looking at me waiting for my reaction. So I walk up to Tim and say that you for the journal, but what you said was mean. Then I walked off and Blair follows me. She is right behind me, he head is on my shoulders and she is asking me what did Tim write. I calmly said that it was none of her business and then her mocking got to be more and more persistent and mean and annoying until I couldn't take it anymore. I finally exploded in rage and said that it was none of her fucking business. Then all of a sudden my mom is there asking me what is going on. Then Blair smiles this sly little triumphant smile. She tells my mom about the journal and that my Uncle Tim had wrote me a letter. Then Cheri starts asking me what's in the letter. I yell at both of them saying it isn't any of their fucking business and to leave me alone. So they keep yelling and asking about the letter, and they get louder and louder and faster and faster until I explode and grab my sister by the neck and slam her into a wall and yell in her face, that it isn't any of her fucking business. She just smiles...mocking me...which enrages me more...and then I wake up.

Now anyone that knows me in real life knows that I don't use the F-word and I keep all of my emotions on the inside. So maybe all of my rage and hurt are starting to collide.